Got PMS? Get "the patch."

I know many women who would say that they are fairly good at controlling their tongues except when their hormones are raging (PMS and/or perimenopause). I have a few questions for you—be honest now–are any of the following true of you especially in those tense days right before your period?

• Words fly out of my mouth and I feel helpless to stop them.
• I often think, I wish I hadn’t said that.
• I know at least one person who would say that I whine or complain too much.
• I have said cruel things to my husband/kids/co-workers/relative for which I have not apologized.
• When I’m mad, I sometimes swear.
• I am guilty of talking too much.
• I speak before I have thought through the impact of my words on others.

If you answered “yes” a few times you are not alone. Listen to the comments from some of the 1500 women I surveyed:

“Just tell me how I can control my tongue during PMS and I’ll sign over my Mustang convertible to you.” Melinda

“I’m sick and tired of apologizing for my angry words when I’m hormonal.” Dyannah

“I am convinced that the same hormone released prior to my period that causes my hands to drop things also loosens the hinges in my jaw, causing my mouth to drop open, even when I am determined to keep it shut.” Marianne

In my soon-to-be-released book, Jump Off the Hormone Swing (January 2011 Moody Publishers) I offer more than a dozen practical ways a woman can control her tongue even where her hormones are going crazy, but let me share one idea here.

Post Mouth Guards

Psalm 141:3 says, “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord.” During PMS, I didn’t set one guard upon my mouth, I assigned two—Borris and Brutis—big, burly strongmen whom I imagined alert and standing inside my mouth. Here is how my mouth guards worked: When a word stirred in my gut, crawled up my throat, and threatened to push its way out my lips, my two mouth guards crossed their swords and examined the word. If the word was kind, uplifting, and timely, they uncrossed their swords and let the word out. If the word was harsh, critical, or thoughtless, they forced the word back down my throat. I can’t tell you the number of times during PMS I literally choked on my words as Borris and Brutis faithfully performed their duties.

I shared the concept of mouth guards with my friend Tammy, who taught it to her eight-year-old son, Jacob. One day Jacob said a bad word. Tammy arched her brow in reproach. “Jacob, where are Borris and Brutis?” He looked up at her with a defiant grin and smirked, “I swallowed them.”

September Verse: “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord.” Psalm 141:3

September Prayer: O my God, I desperately need your supernatural strength to control my tongue in these days when I feel weak and out of control. I ask You Lord, to set a guard over my mouth so that the words that come from my lips are gracious and pleasing to You.

September Tip: Memorize this verse and select names for your own mouth guards.  Call upon them to perform their duties, especially in those tense days when your hormones are going wild.

New study gives insight into female stress

Stress can make PMS and perimenopause symptoms worse.  Why? Estrogen Energy and Progesterone Peace fall to their lowest levels in the days just prior to menses.  Less “energy” and “peace” circulating in the body make it tougher for us to deal calmly with stressful situations.

But there’s another reason stress messes with our hormones: cortisol.  When we learn that our teenage son has just put a dent in the family car, the adrenal cortex releases cortisol.  Cortisol has its benefits but on the down side it depletes progesterone stores. (Bye, bye peace!)  Knowing that I didn’t always have what it took to respond graciously during “that time of the month” I found it helpful to either tape my mouth shut or lock myself  in a closet for a few days until my  happy hormones kicked back in.

The release of cortisol and its ability to throw hormones out of whack is nothing new. What IS new are the findings reported this week by the National Institute of Mental Health that suggest that the female brain may be more sensitive and have a harder time processing a key stress hormone than the male brain.

A study led by Rita Valentino, PhD and Debra Bangasser, PhD, revealed that brain scans on female and male rats showed “striking gender differences” in susceptibility to Corticotropin releasing factor (CRF). I won’t go into the science of it all, but the bottom line is that this is the first study in which researchers have been able to pinpoint male/female brain differences in their response to stress at the molecular and cellular level.  Female rats proved more sensitive to stress than male rats.

Do the findings apply to humans? The verdict is still out but statistics indicate that women are twice as vulnerable as men to stress-related disorders.   I wouldn’t be surprised if one day researchers  prove that the female brain has more receptors than the male brain that make us sensitive to stress.  In truth, women are more sensitive to many things than their male counterparts.  We often have a deeper sensitivity to  joy, beauty, and delight, and even to spiritual things.

God made male and female different.  I’ll gladly release certain stressful situations to my husband because he is often better equipped to handle them. But because I tend to be more sensitive to social and spiritual cues, he often looks to me in those situations.  The differences God created are beautiful.  They don’t compete—they complete.  For that, I praise God.

August tip: When you feel Progesterone Peace slip away, take  5 deep breaths, exhaling each very slowly.  As you do, repeat over and over the verse below.

August verse: You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3

August prayer: Holy God, Awesome Creator, thank you for making me sensitive to so many things.  Help me not to be overly sensitive to criticism, judgments of others, or things I cannot control, but to be deeply sensitive to every opportunity before me to delight Your heart.

• Bringing God into your PMS will change your thinking.
• Bringing God into your PMS will change your emotions.
• Bringing God into your PMS will change your attitude.
• Bringing God into your PMS will change how you view yourself.
• Bringing God into your PMS will change the way you eat.
• Bringing God into your PMS will change how you take care of your body.
• Bringing God into your PMS will change the way you speak.
• Bringing God into your PMS will change your stress level.
• Bringing God into your PMS will change how you view yourself as a woman.

God has answers.  God offers comfort.  God gives wisdom.  Cry out to Him.  He will surely answer you.

July tip:  Stop right now (YES, RIGHT NOW!)  and thank God that He hears your cries.

July verses: Evening, and morning, and noon will I pray, and cry aloud; and He shall hear my voice (Psalms 55:17, KJV).  God’s reply is found in Isaiah 66:24:   God’s voice declares, “Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.” 

July prayer:  God, O God, I want to live close to You, to keep my eyes fixed upon You, to abide in the sweetness of your Presence.  Thank You that as I draw near to You, You draw near to me and hear the cries of my heart.

My gourmet group friends reading my new book.

“Peter, the shower is plugged,”  I called to my husband one morning as I observed standing water in the basin.   Sure `nuff, he snaked a wire dohicky down the drain and came out with a wad of black muck and hair.  The thing was nasty-stinky–and huge!  The clog had started out small, but each day that we had failed to clean the drain the gunk had grown.

The same is true with my heart. Junk collects in my heart every day just by the nature of the world in which I live.  Something I hear, something I see, something that someone says to me that is absolutely NOT of God, sticks to my heart and sullies my soul.  Daily I wash myself in the cleansing power of His Word and ask Him to remove the filth.  I bow before Him and say, “Search my heart, O Lord, and see if there is any wicked way in me and to cleanse me from it.”

Are you on the same page as me?  And I mean that literally since for the past 8 years my daily devotion consists of reading the “One Year Bible” published by Tyndale (NLT).  If so, did you notice today’s reading?  It offers words that make me want to spin around with joy:  

“Lord, if you kept a record of our sins,

who, O Lord, could ever survive?

But you offer forgiveness that we might learn to fear you.

I am counting on the Lord; yes I am counting on Him.

I have put my hope in his word.” Psalm 130:4-5

Did you see that?  God forgives sin.  Now there’s some news to make you dance. God washes my heart with His Word much like the water from my shower that washes away the dirt of the world.  His Holy Spirit is like the wash cloth that scrubs me clean, freeing me from the stubborn grime that only comes off with a little feverish friction.

And oh my, it feels good to be clean, doesn’t it?  To be forgiven . . . to be, dare I say it?, holy.  I can’t make myself holy.   Only God, through the power of His Word and His Spirit, can make such a thing possible. I’m so grateful that He can accomplish what I cannot, aren’t you?

June tip:  Take a spiritual shower every day–read God’s Word.

June verse:  Paul tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the Church, “to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Ephesians 5:26-27.

June Prayer: Holy, holy God, cleanse me in this moment as I read these words. Wash me of my sinful thoughts, my selfish attitudes, and my impure motives.   Thank you, thank you, thank you that you forgive me and make me clean.

I offered Terri a Kleenex from my purse pack.  She dabbed at the mascara smudges under her eyes and continued.  “Really, Lorraine.  I am evil.   I mean, I’m a Christian, but right now I’m so full of rage I want to take a baseball bat and bash someone with it.  My kids are driving me crazy.  My husband is too busy to help me.  My house is a mess.  My life is a mess.”  She twisted the Kleenex in her hands.  “I want to run away and never come back.”

Terri looked into my eyes expecting, hoping, to see judgment from me because she wanted to be punished for her thoughts.  She wanted me to agree that, yes, she was a terrible person and that she deserved to be chastised for her “run away” attitude. Instead she saw in my eyes the watery softness of empathy.  No, I wouldn’t condemn Terri for her thoughts, and her thoughts certainly weren’t foreign to me.  I’d had similar thoughts myself during PMS.

In the past year Terri’s PMS had become unbearable.  She didn’t have many physical symptoms—but she was convinced her emotional symptoms were tearing her apart.  But truthfully, her struggle had more to do with the spiritual symptoms of PMS.

“Terri, can I ask you a few questions?”

“Go ahead.” 

“Do you feel like a battle is raging inside you . . . like you are fighting a war inside your head?”

She nodded.  “That’s exactly how I feel.”

“Does your heart feel . . .”  I paused, unsure how to describe the residue left behind after evil thoughts have trampled through the mind.  “Does your heart feel . . . black?”  Not the right word, I knew.  I tried another.  “Tainted? Like it needs a good scrubbing?”

“Yes,” she whispered.  “My heart feels very dark.  And heavy.”  She lowered her eyes. 

“Where is God right now?” I prodded. “Does He feel near?  Does He seem far off?”

Terri was quiet for a moment, then her face contorted in anguish.  She dropped her head into her hands on her lap.  “I can’t even pray,” she cried. “God feels a million miles away, like He has abandoned me.”  Her shoulders shook.  “God hates me. He must. I’m horrible.  I can’t . . . I can’t even . . . ” Sobs choked out her words. She never said what she couldn’t even do, but I knew what I could do.

Gently I placed my hand on the back of Terri’s head and prayed.  We remained like this for several minutes, me praying, her body bent over in sorrow. Oddly, I could have told Terri right then and there two things she could do to ease the battle in her mind and bridge the distance she felt between herself and God. 

I knew the answers.  I said nothing.

Maybe next week when Terri was feeling better God would give me an opportunity to share those two secrets with her.  I yearned for her to discover what God had shown me—that He could indeed cleanse her soul and rid her of the “black heart” that stole her value and stripped her of her joy. 

But right now Terri didn’t need information.  She needed me to be present and to pray.  Sometimes prayer and presence surpass the need for knowledge. 

April Tip:  When you go through PMS remember to consider how it impacts you spiritually. 

April Verse: “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jeus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. ” (1 John 1:7)

April Prayer: Father God, giver of life, you are the One who makes us holy.  Purify us by the cleansing power of your Spirit so that we may stand before You white and pure as the driven snow.

"God set me free, He can set you free, too!"

Thank you for the amazing gathering of women in Ohio.  The team who coordinated the Initmate Issues conference did an amazing job.  The women who came were teachable.  Over and over again I heard: ”I just didn’t know God’s perspective about sexuality before, but now I am so excited to go home and be a better wife, a better lover, to my husband.”  And from the single women:  “For the first time I really understood the depth of God’s love for me, and that I had been looking for love in all the wrong places.”  And if you walked through the crowd at lunch time you heard women talking, “Today, God set me free from the pain of my past.”  What a wonderful God we serve.  May He who began this good work continue to perfect it until the day of Christ (Phil. 1:6).

Eager to learn and hear God's Word

Jo-Lynn Brooks, Christine Krauss, amazing conference directors

Lori and Rayna, our super amazing assistants

Ralina's Every Woman's PMS Journal

A few of the women from the PMS BS

 Take one book about PMS (Confessions of a PMS-Crazed Saint) and add 12 women willing to be mentally and spiritually stretched.  Fold in lively discussions and worship.  Simmer for five weeks.  What do you get?  Transformed lives.       

I started this small group in my home in order to “test” my book to see how it might be improved.  I had hoped to teach the ladies a bit of what God had taught me in my research–but these women ended up teaching me!  On the last night, I challenged each one to give a “gift of herself” to bless the other women in the study.  

• Joni, a runner, gave each woman a CD with 14 of her favorite running songs complete with a list of 4 ways to vary a workout.  (Studies confirm that exercise effectively reduces PMS tension.)
• Anne, a creative cook, brought double chocolate ORGANIC brownies to share. (Sweet cravings are typical during PMS when blood sugar levels drop.  But organic products are best because they contain no xenoestrogens which can play havoc with hormone levels).
• Ralina, a closet poet and mommy of four, shared two entries from her journal.  The first (title it DARK) described her feelings of utter hopelessness right before her period.  The second (title it LIGHT) described exuberant hope and joy found in Christ.  The only thing that had changed during the 3 day separation of those entries was that she had started her period.  (Every hormonal woman in America can relate to the mood swing, Ralina).
• Rebecca formerly had a business selling “wine charms” (jewelry that is attached to the stem of a wine glass to help guests identify their drink).  I should say here that studies indicate that ONE glass of red wine can ease PMS symptoms–anything beyond one glass can actually make symptoms worse.  She gave each woman a set of 8 charms AND  she charmed us further by presenting us with 2  recipes for her fabulous pesto sauces which she suggested be frozen in ice cube trays and taken out as needed.  (All the ingredients are healthy helps during PMS).
• Mitzie, a cut and paste artist, creates art using fancy photo album papers and embellishments (jewels, pop up flowers, ribbons, etc).  She presented each of us with a PMS Escape Kit, a colorful tri-fold folder with 3 pockets, in which she inserted “helps” from my book and a chocolate bar.    

Each kit contains "helps" from Lorraine's book and chocolate!!

Joni's Running CD

• “My husband strokes my back in the way that suggests intimacy and I have to resist the urge to slap his hand away and shout, `Leave me alone.’”  Anita (Yup, a little PMS tension going on there…)
• “I tell Brad  that I have a headache even if I don’t because I can’t get my body to feign interest.” Sandy
• “I have no interest.  Zero.  Nada.  Zippo.” Marcia

Many women followed their low libido comments by asking,  ”What’s wrong with me?”  News flash!  There is nothing wrong with any of these dear women–their hormones are simply in withdrawal.  Estrogen and progesterone just withdrew from their body and took a few things along with them–like energy (I’m so tired), a sense of well being (why does everything bug me today?), and yes, the desire for sex.  But for most women the sex drive returns after their period is over and their  hormones begin their monthly ascent towards ovulation.

No, the real issue for these women, and for all of us really, is not the natural cycle of our body but our attitude.  How do we respond to these changes?  Do we refuse to be intimate with our husband simply because we have no desire?  Do we lie about having a headache or pretend to be asleep so we don’t have to respond to his advances?  Do we shut him down because our libido went south?   Do we think only of ourselves, or do we consider also the desires of our husband?  What is our attitude?  

Or maybe even a better question is this:  What does God want our attitude to be?  

I’ve co-authored three books on God’s perspective on sex with my dear friend Linda Dillow.  Linda and I read the Scriptures from Genesis to Revelations and asked God to give us principles from His Word to share with women that will help them know how to view their sexuality.  We will share these principles to both married and single women in two upcoming conferences in Ohio and Texas.  We’ve also co-authored a book with our husbands, Intimacy Ignited, to share this perspective with couples.  Peter and I will share that perspective at an upcoming conference in Houston.

Do you really want an answer to the question: ”What do I do when I don’t want to do it?”  Or maybe you have other questions like, “How do I recapture the passion?”  “What can I enjoy sex when I don’t like my body?” ”How can I get over the guilt of my past?” 

I invite you to join us.  We will laugh.  We will worship.  And we’ll get into God’s Word and find real answers for the tough questions you have about intimacy. These conferences are rich in teaching and amazingly affordable in cost ($49 for early registration for women; $40 per couple for early registration).   Will I see you there? (For more information go to www.intimateissues.com) 

• Cleveland, OH   Grace Church, March 19-20 (for women)
• Austin, TX       Grace Covenant Church,  April 9-10 (for women)
• Houston, TX        First Baptist (Humble),  April 16-17 (for couples)

March verse: “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.  Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your self-control.  I say this as a concession, not as a command.” (2 Cor. 7:5-7 .  This is Paul’s instruction to husbands and wives concerning abstaining from sex.)

March prayer: Lord, You alone know the inner struggle I feel when I just don’t want sex and my husband does.  Help me!   Please fill my heart with love for him when I feel numb.  Please fill my body with desire when it feels dead.  Thank You that I can talk to You about everything in my life –even something as intimate as intimacy.

March tip:  When your libido lags, remind yourself of these important benefits:  Sex is good exercise (burns about 100-150 calories).  Sex is good medicine (studies show that women’s pain threshold rises during sexual activity which means that chronic conditions like arthritis, low back pain and yes, even PMS, may be helped).  Sex improves skin tone and color.  Sex stimulates endorphin release (which enables you to sleep more soundly).  www.intimateissues.com

I am convinced that one reason PMS is more wide-spread and intense today than it was 100 years ago is because we consume almost twice as much sugar.  When my grandma was born (around 1919) the average woman consumed 82 pounds of sugar each year (although not like me, in one sitting).  Today sugar consumption averages a staggering 152 pounds annually, nearly double the amount in granny’s day.

I’m not suggesting that you entirely eliminate “sweet” before your period, only that you find healthy alternatives to satisfy the craving.   Don’t cosume a bag of M&M’s (like you, I love `em, but the chemical food dye is nearly as toxic to your system as the sugar).  Grab an apple instead.   Better yet, indulge in a small bowl of ALL NATURAL yogurt topped with blueberries and sliced almonds.  Blueberries and almonds are ”brain foods” that actually help mental acuity.  And the calcium in the yogurt is research-proven to help ease PMS symptoms. 

So eat sweet, but a sweet that eases symptoms not makes them worse. And while your at it, add a little sweetness to your soul (see verse below).

February verse: “How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!”  Psalm 119:103

February prayer:  Lord, teach me to be wise in the ways of my body.  Help me identify which foods  alleviate my symptoms and which make them worse, and then give me the courage to choose rightly.

February tip: Learn how your body processes other foods and drinks.  For example, we don’t think of white processed flour or alcohol as a sugar, but your body processes them this way. 

February bonus tip:  Eat five SMALL protein-packed meals to keep PMS symptoms at bay.  This keeps your blood sugar levels on a more even keel.

Do you struggle to make your mind mind?  If you’re like me, you often have to pull your mind up by the scruff of the neck and say:  “Mind, you are not going down that whiney road.  Instead, you will dwell upon God and find something for which to give thanks.”  When I force my mind to obey, to be positive, my atttidue willingly trots along behind.  

That’s why memorizing Scripture is imperative.  When whacked-out hormones cause me to feel overly weepy and introspective, my spirit lifts when I pull out a favorite verse from my memory bank and dwell on it. 

Over the next year I want to share 12 of my favorite PMS verses–one for each month. 

January verse:  “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understand, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”  (Philippians 4: 6-7)

January prayer: Heavenly Father, thank You that when the world causes me to feel anxious, when hormones make me feel all josseled inside, I can lay all things at Your feet–and You will guard my heart and my mind and give me peace.  What a great exchange, God–my anxiousness for your peace!

January tip:  Take a nap.  Contrary to what that little voice in your head may tell you, the world WILL NOT FALL APART if you take time out for a quick nap.  Miracles often follow a well-timed rest under a snuggly throw.